Saturday, February 24, 2018

Addi Asyraaf

Hari itu jam sudah 11.45 malam. Saya berbaring di kamar kerja menatap skrin telefon.

Telefon itu berdering, dan ia membuatkan saya berdebar. Siapa pun pada situasi itu akan berasa begitu. Malam-malam, waktu untuk istirehat, waktu untuk bersendiri sama ada dengan Tuhan ataupun syaitan, terus datangnya panggilan daripada manusia.

Dari sudut dunia yang paling hujung, kedengaran suara yang saya kenal. Dia rakan sekelas dari sekolah rendah, dan walaupun tidak lagi sekelas semasa di sekolah menengah kami tetap di sekolah yang sama.

Suaranya kedengaran biasa tetapi permulaannya mendebarkan.

"Sudah dengar berita?"

Untuk saya, ayat begitu terlalu menakutkan. Saya punyai masa lalu yang buruk dengan ayat-ayat begitu. Dengan berat saya menjawab, "Berita apa?"

"Anak saya, sudah meninggal... tadi."

Saya terkedu. Saya terus berada dalam keadaan vakum. Saya fikir dia juga begitu kerana suaranya terlalu tenang. Terlalu biasa.

Dalam hidup saya, sudah beberapa kali menerima berita kehilangan ahli keluarga. Saya akan vakum sepertinya tidak percaya. Berita begitu akan tersekat pada fikiran, tidak terus ke hati. Fikiran sedaya upayanya menolak lalu jiwa menjadi vakum.

Saya akan terlihat normal dan hanya selepas beberapa jam, dan mungkin beberapa hari, barulah saya menangis sepuas-puas hati. Barulah pedih hiba itu tiba mencucuk-cucuk. Bukan sahaja hati, tetapi seluruh jiwa.

Untuk kali ini juga sama. Hanya pada esoknya, pada ketika saya menyelusuri sesaknya kota Kuala Lumpur dengan motosikal, air mata saya terburai-burai. Pipi basah sebasah basahnya. Saya tersedu-sedu. Segala kenangan tentang anak itu bermunculan satu per satu dalam fikiran.

Saya diam dan hanya kalimat innalillahiwainailahirajiun yang terbit daripada mulut. Hanya itu.

Pada saat itulah dia memberitahu lagi, "Halalkan semua apa yang anak saya makan, halalkan semua semasa dia masih menetap di rumah kamu."

Anak lelakinya baru lima tahun dan saya tahu memang mempunyai masalah hati. Tubuhnya dan matanya kekuningan dan masalah-masalah kesihatan yang lain.

Mereka tinggal di Sarawak dan harus setiap enam bulan sekali ke Hospital Selayang kerana dimaklumkan di situlah doktor pakar hati berada.

Jadi apabila mereka tiba di Kuala Lumpur, mereka akan menetap di rumah saya beberapa hari sehingga rawatan usai.

Walaupun mungkin hanya lima kali sempat menetap di rumah, tetap mereka memberikan rasa untuk saya kenang dan kenangan itulah yang kembali. Wajahnya, kata-katanya, dan segala kelakuan anak itu muncul dalam fikiran.

Dalam masa yang sama saya terfikirkan tentang rakan saya itu. Perasaan sedih kami ketika itu walaupun tidak mungkin sama dalamnya, tetap getarnya saya mampui rasai kerana saya juga seorang ayah yang punyai anak.

Dia bersungguh-sungguh berkorban untuk anaknya. Bukan berkorban yang terpaksa, tetapi dia memang memilih jalan itu. Sehinggakan pada malam itu, hanya beberapa minit selepas anaknya pergi pun dia sanggup menghubungi saya, hanya untuk diminta halal. Sedangkan anak itu langsung tidak punya hutang apa-apa kepada saya. Langsung tidak ada.

Entah, saya sebenarnya kehilangan kata-kata untuk perkara ini, kerana semuanya sudah diredam oleh rasa yang tidak mampu diungkapkan.

Hanya saya mampu mendoakan arwah adik Addi Asyraaf terus berada rahmat-Nya. Dia sudah meninggalkan keperitan dunia dan syurga menunggunya.




91 comments:

Pa'an Healers said...

Same2 kite mendoakan nye...
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Mieza S said...

semoga tenang bertemu Tuhan.

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